Yes, we’re now into the next damn series. My excuse? There was an angry bear with weird ideas about the nature of the Bill of Rights and subsequent interpretation. He needed to be set right. Then we needed to do shots.
But somewhere in there, I managed to watch some hockey. So, with the benefit of a little hindsight, this. is. your. Semifinals.
1) Da Sabres vs. The Cast of Glengarry Glen Ross
Result: Buffalo in Six
Bizzometer: Right on target (though I canâ€™t prove any of these â€¦).
Comments: I canâ€™t decide whether that â€œshouldâ€ or â€œshouldnâ€™tâ€ have gone to 7. Clearly Chris Drury was not born of woman, but then again we got bounce-robbed all over Game 5 anyway. Goes to show how random and terrifying the playoffs can be. And how quickly a series can tun on you. Ask the Sharks.
2) Blatantly French Team vs. New Jersey Devils
Result: Ottawa in Five
Bizzometer: Would have said 7
Comments: Another disappointing performance in the East, another â€œshoe-inâ€ humiliated. The Senators are the real thing, but after games 1 and 2 Jersey should have seen that their pacing and their backchecking patterns WERE NOT WORKING. Jersey was a more solid squad than the Penguins, but had the same rigidity problem. They play one game. Once it breaks, itâ€™s broken.
1) San Jose vs. Nicklas Lidstrom, the Magical Flying Car
Result: Detroit in Six
Bizzometer: I had them in Seven.
Comments: Our boat is exactly big enough. Detroit is the most old-school, individual-play team that will see a final this year. Even though it didnâ€™t look good on paper, you never count out a bunch of crazy old men. Theyâ€™re like this improv troupe thatâ€™s been together since the 70â€™s, and now they can only book Vegas, but the showâ€™s a national treasure, and the 11:30 manages to be completely different from the 8:15. How can you not applaud?
2) Waltâ€™s Warriors vs. Very Endangered Species
Result: Ducks in Five
Bizzometer: Was turned off. Because why bother?
Comments: The Ducks are a beautiful team, but theyâ€™re annoying the hell out of me. This was the easiest set of draws they could have hoped for. There were two other teams in the West that could give them a run in any series. They ducked facing one, and now will meet the other after itâ€™s been whaled on by real competition, and is down two starting defensemen. Combine that with the most padded, well-negotiated last month schedule in the league, and theyâ€™ve been fighting left-handed, for fun, while posing for pictures, since March. Disney. Disney. Disney. Living life at California Speed. Waxinâ€™ skates and whitening teeth. Not that they wouldnâ€™t have made the final anyway â€¦ but itâ€™s supposed to be harder than this.