I hate to say I told you so but…

Actually, I don’t hate to say it at all. I don’t know why people say that at all. They don’t hate to say it. They love to say it. Or at least I know I do.

What am I right about you ask? You mean besides everything, all the time? Clowns. Clowns are the most hideous, vile disgusting thing to cross this earth.

Case in point: CSI: Las Vegas. There is an episode called, appropriately, “Getting Off” that has a Clown in it. And, you know, not to give away plot points (but it was a TV show that aired about 3 years ago) there is a woman who has a fetish for Clowns, and orders them for her child’s birthday, christmas, groundhog day, you know, whatever. And when her husband isn’t around, she sleeps with them Well, what ended up happening is that her husband found out and killed the clown. Now, if CSI: LV existed in the Adamverse then this man would have been given a medal and his birthday would be a national holiday. But no, Buzzkill Gil had to arrest him and put him in jail. For shame.

Now, I don’t want you people to think that this is some johnny-come-lately fear of mine, like the turtle. No. Not at all. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I thought as a child, and my parents dragged me to stupid things. One of those things was the Clownfest. The Clowns were the scariest thing I had ever seen in my young life. First, they were always happy. Nobody in my family was happy ever. How could these people be so happy? Why are they always smiling? And why is everyone happy to see them? They are obviously bad friends. Look over there, why aren’t they trying to cheer up their sad friends. I know they are friend I just saw them get out the sam–OH MY GOD (editors note: I didn’t say ZOMG yet. Or, you know, technically do now) THERE ARE LIKE THIRTY IN THAT ONE CAR! AREN’T THEY HOT?!? ITS SUMMER! MOMMY WHATS GOING ON?

etc, etc. And yes, in case you were wondering, Clowns were the first reason why I don’t trust whitey.

(HT Pandagon via Bizzo)

The 57-year-old Carlock, who’s myriad of jobs includes performing locally as “Klutzo” the clown, was charged in federal court Tuesday with possessing child pornography and traveling to engage in sexual conduct with a minor.


It was with Mary, and on his own, that he practiced clowning. He is mentioned as one of the clowns who works with Lincoln’s Laffers, an area clown group, though the president of that organization, Amy McKinney, said she hadn’t worked with the Carlocks in the past two years.

She said she wouldn’t talk about Carlock because the organization believes that everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

However, McKinney said, anytime someone in a profession is accused of something, it can be detrimental to everyone involved.

“People have a higher expectation of some professions – doctors, clergy and people who work with children – that those people will live by a higher standard, and I believe that’s something we should strive to do,” she said.

The vast majority of clowns work hard to perfect their art and present a positive image, she added.

“Our primary goal is to cheer people up,” she said. “I think when there’s an allegation, whether true or not true, the allegation of wrongdoing affects everyone.

“We’re just looking at an allegation now, and it has a negative impact. The public is not always as forgiving as we’d like them to be.”

Now, not to make light of what these kids went through at all, but this is what I was saying about Clowns. There is something wrong with Clowns and their ilk. You know why stereotypes exist? Because they are true. Doctors are either pretentious assholes, people who just want to save lives, people in it for the money or House. Lawyers are either Jack McCoy, Shark, or whoever those guys go up against. Clowns are either Killers, Krusty or Crazy. Its just the nature of the best. It makes you better at your job. Just like most Postal Service workers have an aversion to long pants, non-bucketed hats and sanity, clowns cannot function completely at their job unless they are totally batshit crazy. And for this alone friends, we should be scared.