I know its been a while. Shut up, I’ve been busy.
1. Bus Riders
Riding the bus, you would think, would be easy for everyone. That’s why its called Public Transportation, everyone in the Public should be able to use it (HT Chris Rock). But that doesn’t seem to be the case. But I’m here to help. Its what I do. Here are a few simple guidelines to how to ride a bus:
a) do not
expect the driver to make the driver wait for you.
b) When you request a stop, get up and wait by the door
c) corollary to a, if the bus driver stops and does decide to wait for you, do not walk. It is a privilege, not a right.
2. Tom Tancredo
Fuck this Guy. Seriously. (HT Wonkette)
Eli, look. I’m telling you this for you’re own good. Everyone knows your coming. I know this, because 3 Dog Night knows this. They told everyone. They even made a song about it. Just watch your back is all I’m saying.
Seriously, you should be On Notice, as President Bush seems determined to bomb you regardless.
5. Mike Huckabee
Because it’s only a matter of time before Chuck Norris is entangled in the ongoing steroids/HGH scandal. Not because he was taking them mind you. But because he sweats pure HGH. And Ric Flair was selling it to feed his kids. WOO!
6. College Football Fans
Well, not all of them. Just the ones that want a playoff.
I’m going to destroy you next weekend. You’re going down like a lead Zeppelin.
I’m well aware of the marshmallow army that you’ve started in order to take over the world circa Easter 2008. I have spies. We will be ready. Mark my words peeps, You have no chance to survive make your time.