I can has fewer horrifying injuries?

Until we can prove it’s all coincidence, we’ll be changing the name of our “Sabres” franchise. I’m thinking, something involving Nerf. Cottony, pillowy. We want to market our hockey team like toilet paper.

Really absorbent toilet paper.

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How often has this happened in the NHL?


In how many cities has this occurred?

Fortunately, Zednick was able to sprint himself to the bench. His near-fatal injury was also noticed right away.

What if …

[You may want to skip this one.]


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Fortunately, everyone’s alive and healthy. But forget giving up two-point leads (please), this isn’t the kind of distinction you want. Most neck-hostile city in America.

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Even Weirder Distinction: The Sabres are the only team to slay an animal in regulation

Fans continually reacted to the bat when it swooped down toward them, and it was a clear distraction. When Lorentz was standing still getting ready for a face-off and spotted it zooming toward him, he reached up and killed it with a slash of his stick. The crowd and the players were happy until they realized they had another problem

“No one wanted to pick it up,” said Lorentz, who was instantly dubbed Batman. “Finally, (Philadelphia’s) Rick MacLeish picked it up and buried it in the penalty box.”

Next game I go to I will bring the best fan sign ever. It will be grey, cut in the shape of a tombstone, and say “Rodents! Not Russians!