I’ve learned many things throughout the vast and awesome years that I’ve spent on this earth, I’ve learned so much about myself. One of these things is what exactly is wrong with me. Though that list is way to long for this conversationsd1, the major problems in my lifesd2 is that I’m far too loyal. I blame it mostly on the fact that I’m a dog person. And/or a Nortonian. But I digress.
The problem with loyalty, well at least for me, is that its blind. Sorta like love, I guess. But that’s a deeper problem I really don’t feel at liberty to discuss at this juncture.
Anyhoo, blind loyalty sorta screws me in the end a lot. For example, a couple of days ago, I sorta lost my id. It might be in a bush somewhere. Next to a pillow. I’m not quite sure. But my id. Its gone. Now, instead of being a good little moveesd3, I refused to change my residencysd4, mostly because I’m a Homer like Simpsonsd5. I love my state.I love it more than anything else in the world (besides my sister, though she does reside in the state which makes it more awesome). And I never want to be a resident of any other state. Like ever. Well, that’s probably not true. But it took way too much for me to leave it in the first place. Mentally, you understandsd6. So I want to hold on to that one little part of me that still connected me to Ohio. Good Ol’ Ohio id #0000B4.
Okay, I don’t if you noticed but that really isn’t my idea number. It actually is 43NO5141. Ok, that isn’t it either. But you understand. I think.
No matter. All that stuff is dust in the wind. The important part is that I no longer have an id. Without a State Identification card, my life is limited. And, of course, by life I mean drinking habits. I can’t go to the bar and drop 400 dollars on St. Patrick’s Day (observed) like I really, really wanted toosd7. But no. I had to lose my id. So none of this will happen.
What’s most importantly is the fact that I can’t go home to get an id. Why? BECAUSE YOU NEED A FUCKING PICTURE ID TO TRAVEL ACROSS STATE LINES!!!!
Yeah. Fucked up ain’t it. So. Apparently, I need to become a resident of the Commonwealth of Virginia in oder to be able to do all the happy things that I once knewsd8. And of course by “happy” I mean “self-motivated alcoholic plans and promises”. Though, technically, I won’t break my promise of never being a resident of another state outside of The Last Great Vestige of Civilization (Ohio)sd9.
But that’s not the point of this post. The point is that I’m a very upset bloggist at this point, and there is nothing that the state of Ohio (beside getting me my valid State Identification card in a reasonable and timely manner) can do about it right now.
I’m going to go off to my new sober lifestyle.
Yeah right. I’m going to be bugging you people to buy me beer for the next two months. Get used to it.
sd1: I consider these posts from myself to you people conversations. Though, I guess, they are sorta soliloquies from myself actually. But, as the seven people who read this blog know, thats sorta how conversations with me go. And by “sorta” I mean, well. Uh. That’s what I mean. I guess. (back)
sd2: Besides, of course, not being able to write on command like a good bloggist should. And the complete overuse of footnotes. And commas. And parenthesis. And ellipses. Though I find these things charming about me. (back)
sd3: Movee? Let him go, he’s on a roll [peanut gallery: More like a tumble (laughter)] (back)
sd4: OH 11th What’s up?!?! (back)
sd5: Actually, I’m more like Homer than I realized before I typed that. (back)
sd6: Apparently, in the World According to Mo-Zilla, every time I get drunk enough I think I’m back in Cleveland, ‘swhy I get so lost. (back)
sd7: Ok, wanted is a bit of a strong word. But would be more than willing to is probably a better way to put it. (back)
sd8: Actually, it appears as though there is a way to get your state ID if you lose in while not in Ohio. Though it might take up to 60 days. That’s like two months! (back)
sd9: In my eyes, there are only 44 States in the Union. Kentucky, Massachusetts, Virginia and Pennsylvania are all commonwealths. Rhode Island has “Plantations” in its name, which offends my sensibilities. And I refuse to accept “there” as an equal to the greatness that is Ohio. So, from now on, I will refer to it as That Demi-State Up North or TDSUN. The “D” is silent, so I still will pronounce it as TeeSUN. (back)