Well Played Clerks. Well Played.

Subtitle: My friends are asshats

So, you know, I just got back from this interview, like literally leaving the building when I got this text message

(62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate! Call: [6165551888sd1]

Wait. Hold on. Let me give you a little background information that makes this even better.

At about 13:51 I twitted this: twitter

So, you know, I’ve been sorta waiting on this. Hoping that I’m among the first to know who

And then this happens

(62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate! Call: [6165551888]

So of course, I’m all in a tizzy. Because this is the absolute worst thing he could do. Seriously. There’s a reason why Oprah isn’t campaigning with him anymore, and it’s because its not resonating with the voters. Plus, how the hell does Oprah help him on the ticket? He doesn’t need Illinois, though there’s the outside chance she might help with Mississippi. But still a stupid, stupid pick by the man that I thought was brighter than that. Seriously. Like do you honestly think that America is ready for an all Black White House?sd2

So, of course, I did what anyone would do. I texted Dutch to find out what happened.

What follows is what happened pretty much the way I saw it on my phone.

ditriech to Dutch: Who did rocks pick? Do you know?
Dutch: Haven’t heard yet
ditriech to Dutch: I’m going to forward you a text.
Bizzo: Jesus. Did you hear?
ditriech to Bizzo: Oprah?
Bizzo: And why the fuck aren’t you online???
ditriech to Bizzo: interview
Dutch: I didn’t get any forward
ditriech to Dutch: (62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate —- Please tell me this is some type of elaborate ruse.
ditriech to Bizzo: Please tell me this is an elaborate ruse w/ you and dutch
Bizzo: Scheisskoph
Dutch: Uh… Has to be. Nothing on the interweb yet
Bizzo: Not unless he’s hacked the Gibson
ditriech to Bizzo: You heard it too?
Bizzo: Jesus
ditriech to Bizzo: You’ve gotta be frakking me
ditriech to grizgod: [did you hear anything about veep?]
grizgod: Nope. i’m signed up for the alert though. did you hear about steph Tubbs jones? She had an aneurysm
ditriech to grizgod: [yeah, brittany called and told me]sd3
ditriech to Bizzo: Griz hasn’t heard anything. Somebody is frakking with us.
grizgod: Holy crap did you get the same email I did?
grizgod: Honestly? honestly? i thought you people knew better.
Bizzo: My officemate’s phone went off too. I’ll have him check it when he gets back
ditriech to grizgod: Give me like 3 minutes
ditriech to Bizzo: Nah. Go read Wonkette.
ditriech to Dutch: You.
Dutch: What?
ditriech to Dutch: Let me forward you the text again.
ditriech to Dutch: (62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate! Call: [6165551888] — Note the callback #
Dutch: Well, they wouldn’t let me send the text without a real callback number. I also made a typo. You didn’t notice that at first?
ditriech to Dutch: Had just got out the interview and checked my texts then brittany called the bizzo texted me like 40 times. I was suspicious though. Why I deleted it the first time
Dutch: Well I giggled for about 20 minutes straight, so thank you for that.
Bizzo: God dammit.
Bizzo: We need to break your internet.

After the jump, the three convos separated, and more info

Bizzo: Jesus. Did you hear?
ditriech: Oprah?
Bizzo: And why the fuck aren’t you online???
ditriech: interview
Bizzo: Scheisskoph
ditriech: Please tell me this is an elaborate ruse w/ you and dutch
Bizzo: Not unless he’s hacked the Gibson
ditriech: You heard it too?
Bizzo: Jesus
ditriech: You’ve gotta be frakking me
ditriech: Griz hasn’t heard anything. Somebody is frakking with us.
Bizzo: My officemate’s phone went off too. I’ll have him check it when he gets back[ed: Great fucking job bizzo. had this happened earlier I’d probably still believe it]
ditriech: Nah. Go read Wonkette.
Bizzo: God dammit.
Bizzo: We need to break your internet.

ditriech: [did you hear anything about veep?]
grizgod: Nope. i’m signed up for the alert though. did you hear about steph Tubbs jones? She had an aneurysm
ditriech: [yeah, brittany called and told me]
grizgod: Holy crap did you get the same email I did? [ed: watch Griz sell it here]
grizgod: Honestly? honestly? i thought you people knew better.
ditriech: Give me like 3 minutes

ditriech: Who did rocks pick? Do you know?
Dutch: Haven’t heard yet
ditriech: I’m going to forward you a text.
Dutch: I didn’t get any forward
ditriech: (62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate —- Please tell me this is some type of elaborate ruse.
Dutch: Uh… Has to be. Nothing on the interweb yet
ditriech: You.
Dutch: What?
ditriech: Let me forward you the text again.
ditriech: (62262) Barack Obama has selected Oprah Winfrey has his running mate! Call: [6165551888] — Note the callback #
Dutch: Well, they wouldn’t let me send the text without a real callback number. I also made a typo. You didn’t notice that at first?
ditriech: Had just got out the interview and checked my texts then brittany called the bizzo texted me like 40 times. I was suspicious though. Why I deleted it the first time
Dutch: Well I giggled for about 20 minutes straight, so thank you for that.

(15:23:07) ditriech: so who all was in on it?
(15:24:24) WoodnShoePimp: i sent it
(15:24:26) WoodnShoePimp: then told biz
(15:24:38) WoodnShoePimp: and when he told me you were asking griz, i told him to play along

In my defense, I did ask both Dutch and Bizzo if they were playing a trick on me. And I did check my feeds to make sure that I wasn’t going crazy. Ditto for texting Griz. But I got sold, plain and simple. For a good 7 minutes I honestly believed that Rocks picked Oprah and no Black person would ever be allowed to run for anything ever.

—-

sd1: Just pretend like that’s Dutch’s phone number. And yes, the "1888" is an homage to Fight Club.
sd2: This is what actually was going through my mind at the time.
sd3: When I wrote this, Griz wasn’t online to tell me what my exact words were (my phone isn’t saving old texts for some reason) so they are approximated for your viewing pleasure. Also, Britty did call me and tell me this. And is why I love her. Because she is awesome

3 thoughts on “Well Played Clerks. Well Played.”

Comments are closed.