Train’s right on time.


Birds gotta fly, bears gotta dance, and the Islamic Republic has to abduct a bitch.

I’d say that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, one of the original embassy stormers, has "come full circle." But that would be out of date. For thirty long, passive-aggressive years, this regime has responded to every crisis and internal contradiction by taking more hostages than a Bond villain, and milking the chaos.

Their recent string of hits has been impressive. Remember the last pre-recession dip in oil prices? You may know it better as the July War. Where Iran got nearly everyone in the region* fighting over a few Israeli soldiers they grabbed.

Or the very next year, when British success in policing Basra threatened to co-opt some Shia support? That got re-branded the Royal Navy Hostage Crisis. God damn the Imperialists and up with our inflatable navy! 

Even this election crisis started with a hostage. I loved the radio news about this story because everyone sounded so bored. Something happens in Iran, Some westerner’s in a van. It’s like looking at the ocean and wondering if the fish will fuck.

I can’t swim! 

So will this work on their own people? Not likely. That pre-election Yankee Spy trick did nothing. Obama has two brain cells to rub together, so he’s not stumbling into the fight. And the best these tired old robe models could get were "collaborators." Not even real white meat.

And there’s something unconvincing about showing off "collaborators" when the people you’re trying to distract are accused of being the same.

But can you blame these guys? It’s all they know how to do.


*Including ourselves. See that point marked "Sunni Awakening?" That was realated to the spike in violence by Shia (as in Hezbollah-funded, as in Iranian) gangs as part of the July fracas. It’s almost like things relate to other things! Gosh