Advice dog, for some reason, went on vacation without telling anyone. His inbox, obviously, filled up with all kinds of emails and such from people, asking him what they should do and how they should do it. You know, advice column stuff. Finally, and without any fanfare or notice I might add, he emails me with these answers to these questions. Hopefully, he keeps this up.
You ready for them Advice Dog?
Sounds about right. More from Advice dog after the jump
Dear Advice Dog,
I’ve sent you like three emails or something and you haven’t responded to any of them. I thought I was going crazy. So please respond to this one.
Anyway, I can’t sleep at night. I mean, I turn off the lights, lie down and nothing happens. I just lie there all night. Sometimes I watch TV (infomercials. Billy Mays was a genius) or listen to music, but whatever I try I end up not being able to get to sleep until like 3 hours before work. Then I’m groggy and irritable all day at work.
Please help me.
Dear Advice Puppy,
I live in the city. My cousins live out in the suburbs. They have nice lawns or parks we play in when I visit them and stuff. For some reason, this Christmas, they are coming here, instead of us going there. And all I have here for us to play in is this dirty field next to my house because my parents dont like to let me out of their sight. I mean, that would be bad enough, but we also always have rainy Christmases. What should I do?
Billy (age 8)
Dear Advice Dog,
I know it must seem like everyone is always asking you relationship questions, and I feel really bad about adding onto the pile. That being said, I’ve been on facebook looking for old high school friends and ran into an old crush of mine purely by accident. I friended her, and we began to talk, first through facebook chat progressing to over the phone. Our relationship in school was always really flirty and we’ve pretty much picked up right were we left off after we got comfortable with each other again. The difference is that now that we’re both single. She’s coming out here for a project or something that she has to do for work and wants to meet up for "drinks or something"
Now, I know that may seem like the perfect score but the problem is that she isn’t the same person she was in high school Physically, I mean.
Now, I know that everyone puts on weight in college or whatever–hell, I’m just as guilty of it as the next guy–but she’s a big girl now. She is, or seems like, the same person in every other respect though, and it has been a while since I’ve had "drinks or something". If you catch my drift. What should I do?
Fired up, ready to go
ED Note: this is good advice actually!
I’ve been having a crisis of conscience. Like I feel as though I’m being pulled in all directions by all people. You see, I’m Catholic. By birth mostly. I mean, I typically believe in what the Church says, but I don’t know if I can follow them lately.
I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news or whatever lately, but the Church recently said that if DC passes the gay marriage bill that they would withdraw their services (like helping the homeless and the like) from the city. Because of gay marriage. Now, I’m not saying that they don’t have a right to oppose gay marriage. They do. But to hurt innocent people because of it doesn’t seem very Christ-like to me. And if that is the church that exists, I’m not sure that’s a church I can believe in.
Please help me.