“This is either America ten years ago or Canada today”



Mystery Science Theater 3000 raised me. And like Ghostbusters (my stepdad), it’s such a great production that it starts out hilarious to a 12 year old, and every year gets better.

It also laps Seth McFarlene in the trivia department. You could footnote most episodes as densely as The Divine Comedy. Just look at the one I’m referencing today ("Zombie Nightmare"). Didn’t see that grocery store commercial that ran on News Channel 9 in Appleton, WI, 1974-75? Sit this joke out.

When whoever digs us up digs us up, I’m fine with the Complete Box Set to this show being our Aeneid. Beats the alternative.

Anyway, remember how I praised the Chicago Blackhawks’ goal horn? Where they play that new Fratellis hit and dance? 

Some teams go that route, some stay with a classic horn. Boston and Detroit blast songs that feature the words "Boston" and "Detroit." Which, okay.

Things are a little different in Canada.


Jesus Christ. Did Paul Verhoven ever give the rights for that song back to the band? Can they play it at Bat Mitzvahs now? 


You get the sense that record just hit BC this week. Until the playoffs, they probably had "Brain Stew" queued up.

This isn’t Kazakhstan. I can get in my car, drive for two hours, and be in a culture where they are rocking it hard to my Sophomore year of high school.

You just want to scratch the whole country behind its little floppy ears and say how cute they are.

Or you would, if Jarkko Ruutu were house trained.