Life Lessons

 

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Do you remember those pivotal films we watched growing up? Full of heroes and important life lessons. Well Dutch and I do. And the kids these days have new ones! They’ll turn out as well as we did.

You know the titles of these classics, right? Of course you do. They’re in your wide-eyed, fuzzy little soul.

(Answers after the fold.)

 

1) "Prep school sports star hunts and kills orphan"

2) "Natural disaster triggers local woman’s murder fantasy re: disliked neighbor"

3) "Teenage siblings spend days together in closet, emerge feeling more grown up"

4) "Woman enters polyamorous living arrangement, falls into coma"

5) "Journalist releases wildlife to massacre troubled youths."

6) "High-functioning sociopaths refuse to share shopping space."

7) "Tycoon’s feud with performance artist causes massive public property damage"

8) "Pompous academic travels the world ruining cultural sites"

9) "Lonely man exploits anomaly in space-time to stalk coworker"

10) "Town vagabonds maimed by sadistic child."

11) "High school friends camp out, murder local immigrants."

12) "Needy friend sabotages young woman’s relationships"

13) "Unfit narcissist denies high school star an education"

14) "Disgruntled young immigrants from persecuted religion attack New York with a WMD"